3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
