I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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