Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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