Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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