What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
