I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
