I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
