we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
