I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
