she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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