Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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