matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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