So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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