i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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