Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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