Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's the barista slut.
Even my vagina gasped.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
