The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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