I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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