his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
