I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
