the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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