I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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