you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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