Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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