It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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