I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize