Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
