I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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