well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
