I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
