I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
