I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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