FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
