....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
