This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
