a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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