Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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