I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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