im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
