just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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