He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
