I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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