my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
