she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
