she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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