I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My hand turned me down
Barsexuality is the new black.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
