the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
