I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
only if we run a train.
done.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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