Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Four minutes until I can fart!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
