i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
false alarm. still invincible.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
