i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
