I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
