i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He did a backflip because drugs
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