Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
