every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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