all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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