idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
