a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Enjoy the penises
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
