I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
