Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
