Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up under a house in Key West
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