You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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