Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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