i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
