am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
