Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize