I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
