Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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