the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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