I hope mine doesn't look like that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
