Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
