I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was born a porn star she said
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
